What is Anxiety?

In eighth grade, I had my first panic attack.

My heart pounded, my breath became uneven, I felt scared. I ended up holding my breath while trying to get the teacher’s attention. While she assumed I wanted to read next, I saw stars dance across my eyes, and when I woke up, I was laying on the tile floor, looking up at my teacher and my dad.

My classmates had all worried that I had died. My teacher declared that it was because my blood sugar was low, and had me eat a snack, and then it was never mentioned again. But I remembered the feeling, and I didn’t think what had happened was because of low blood sugar. After some searching, I became fairly certain that it had been a panic attack.

My school counselor didn’t believe me when I told her what my theory was - she laughed in my face. I spent the rest of high school and my four years of my undergraduate degree desperately trying to manage a panic attack I received no help or belief for. Even the therapist I tried to see on campus simply handed me a packet of coping skills and did nothing else to try and help me.

Anxiety took a lot from me in those nine years that panic attacks, and by extension, anxiety, were a frequent part of my life. I was constantly on the lookout for when the panic attacks would “sneak up” on me and spent my time coming down from them with my head between my knees and scrolling on Pinterest. It had never occurred to me that my anxiety came from masking my autism and ADHD all of those years and hitting burnout.

The reason I tell this story is because so many of us - those who have the skill of hiding their symptoms - will often send up red flags in terms of anxiety and depression. These are cries for help that we are struggling, that we cannot cope with what we are experience. The moment I realized “Hey, I think I’m probably ADHD and autistic,” and got into therapy, my anxiety faded away and I haven’t had a panic attack in four years.

For some people, it doesn’t go away that easily. And we can better equip ourselves by having the knowledge to acknowledge when anxiety is ruling our lives. Some things you can watch out for include:

1. Feeling overwhelming anxiety and/or worry the majority of the time for at least half a year about a bunch of different things, including but not limited to work, school, etc.

2. You find it really difficult to control your worry or anxiety.

3. If you feel like you’re always “on edge,” or restless.

4. You might feel easily fatigued by day to day tasks.

5. You have a really hard time concentrating or your mind often goes blank.

6. You feel really irritable a lot of the time.

7. You feel tense a lot of the time.

8. You have a hard time consistently falling asleep, staying asleep, or have a lot of really bad, poor sleep nights.

Some coping skills we can use when feeling anxious are:

• Hands to Earth

  • This is a coping skill I created myself! Place your hands while seated on the ground or couch to either side of you, and press down just enough to feel the pressure. Then, close your eyes and focus on the ins and outs of your breath.

This coping skill is one I created after I went to the campus psychology clinic in my undergraduate career, and my second session had a packet of coping skills given to me. I found them unhelpful - and really, I found the way in which I was treated by the clinician like being treated by a robot. So I made this for my clients, and every single one that I’ve taught it to has found it helpful. It’s a good starting place for learning coping skills.

Another skill I love is guided meditation. If you’ve never tried it before, I highly recommend giving it a chance. Some people think it sounds weird, but it’s really a great practice AND there have been studies about its positive effects!

So take some time after reading this to try this 5 minute meditation, and I wish you wellness and a smile on your face.